credit: Alexander Turner
“I think about my own struggles as a father, and having nowhere to really take that. I didn’t have that confidence to be vulnerable, and Dad Matters gives dads that safe space.”
Father-of-three Jerome Cross is the coordinator of Dad Matters Bristol, a project that helps men cope with the challenges of early parenthood. It is run by charity Home-Start, whose small team at Southmead’s Greenway Centre supports families with under-fives in Bristol and South Gloucestershire.
Since its launch in February 2024, Jerome has helped struggling dads across Bristol, taking them to groups, providing a space to discuss mental health, and signposting to parenting resources.
But the project’s funding, which comes via the government’s Family Hubs programme, only runs until March. Dad Matters Bristol’s future now hangs in the balance, waiting for a decision by the council on whether to back it into the 2025/26 financial year.
“We do support dads when they’re referred in,” Helen Greer, a senior coordinator at Home-Start, tells the Cable. “But we support 180 families a year and in probably 10% of those the dad was actively engaging.
“There has been a real push in the last few years to develop services specifically for dads,” she says. “It’s been identified that there aren’t enough services targeting dads, that perhaps they don’t feel comfortable or they’re slipping through the gaps.”
Dad Matters services, which started in 2017, now number about 20 nationally. It is part of a recent wave of projects targeting dads who might struggle to access traditional maternity services.
This comes in the context of a shift away from traditional gender roles, but a society where men often still struggle to voice vulnerabilities and one in three fathers take no paternity leave, with reforms to shared parental leave making little difference.
“I’ve worked with dads who have had very negative experiences with maternity services, feeling very marginalised and not engaged with,” Jerome says.
Some dads come to antenatal classes, and there are groups for dads in Bristol already, but they’re pretty thin on the ground. And some might lack the confidence to come or already be experiencing social isolation or post-natal depression.
“It’s a challenge juggling professional and family life, maintaining some sort of sense of themselves,” says Jerome, who calls Dad Matters “a safe, judgement-free space to pick apart their parenting that week”.
A lot of my struggles were based around not having an appropriate expectation of myself
Jerome Cross, Dad Matters
“Some dads like to use it as a space to celebrate what they’ve done, which is important because they don’t always have other people to share with,” he goes on. “Otherwise uncertainty and anxiousness can creep in.
“They just want a bit of companionship, there’s nobody in their close circle with kids of their own, we might go out for a walk or coffee… On more than one occasion I’m through the door and having a baby strapped to me because dad needs a break.”
‘Trying to be perfect can burn you out’
Encouraging men to open up is a key part of the support, Jerome says. “Talking to other men and other dads is something I stress, it has so much long term benefit. The more we do it, the more we can normalise it.”
He gives the example of a dad they referred to a therapy service, who also started inviting friends to go on a run and talk about their feelings. “They now go for a run and a pint on Friday and talk about being dads. He said: ‘I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do that and broach that subject if I hadn’t allowed myself to be vulnerable in my conversations with you.’”
There is a big difference, Helen adds, between how involved men of her parents’ generation were in bringing up their kids, and the hands-on approach many dads want to take today. “In many ways they don’t have a model for being a dad,” she says. “Whereas it hasn’t changed too much for mums.”
This is reflected in Jerome’s experience. “A lot of my struggles were based around not having an appropriate expectation of myself – I wanted to be the all-singing, all-dancing dad, but the realistic thing is that you can’t do everything all the time,” he says. “A phrase we use a lot is ‘good enough parenting not perfect parenting’. You can burn yourself out on the quest to be the perfect parent.”
“When you don’t hit these unrealistic expectations, in lieu of having a good role model or education about fatherhood, you really internalise it and that’s where a lot of low mood and negativity and post natal depression can breed, because you’re not meeting your own expectations… That comes from not having that fatherhood model.”
Councillor Christine Townsend, the chair of Bristol City Council’s Children and Young People Committee, said Dad Matters was “one of the many crucial services” commissioned by the council via Family Hubs.
“We are working through allocations and Family Hub funding for 2025/26,” said Townsend, after the government announced £53 million across 75 different authorities in the Autumn Budget. “With our partners in public health, we are working to ensure the support available for families throughout a pregnancy and after giving birth caters for the needs of our communities. Over the coming months we will be in touch with existing service providers to advise on our final decisions on funding allocation.
“There have been indications from the new Labour government that support for children and families is to be more central to their mission,” added Townsend, a Green councillor for Southville. “Continuation of support for these evidenced-based local services would be what is needed to realise these promises.”
Until then, Jerome is determined to keep supporting new dads. “We’re kickstarting a lot of men on their emotional vulnerability and literacy journeys.”
Dads can refer themselves to Dad Matters Bristol and find out more about family support via Bristol’s children’s centres.
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